Flying Low

I vacillate between being horribly skeptical and a little cynical and indulging in fairy tales. My friend insists that cynicism is the direct opposite of optimism and says I cannot be both. But I think I am.

Show me movies clearly meant to motivate and inspire and I am likely to laugh in all the wrong places and make sarcastic comments to whichever poor soul is sitting next to me. This is why I avoid all the teacher-movies like Coach Carter and Dead Poets’ Society like the plague. I dislike the whole Chicken Soup series and find it difficult to tell my students “inspirational / motivational stories”, especially those involving animals. I tell my students that life isn’t fair and the sooner we realise that, the better off we all are. I think that many people don’t think enough and that people are selfish. I get very angry when people accept things others say without thinking, questioning or even doing basic research. I have little faith. Don’t expect me to believe in things just because. I often ascribe the worst motives to people, especially those I don’t know. I roll my eyes often and make snarky remarks frequently. Not a terribly positive person. And believe me, I mock. I even mock Merlin (a show which satisfies both my need to think the world is full of rainbows and flowers and my need to snark).

And yet, despite this all, I believe that we are innately good, that things can and will get better, that there are things worth fighting for. I think the best is yet to be. I believe in happily-ever-afters and that we can all be happy if we try. I am fascinated by positive psychology and am ever hopeful. Life, to me, is never as bad as it seems. I read about the people helping in Haiti or about those teaching poor children in far-flung corners of the world and I am inspired. I endure the nonsense in my teaching job because I believe I am doing something worthwhile. I want everyone to be happy and get what they want, even fictional characters in shows I watch. Lastly, I’m happy more often than not.

So maybe I am a cynical, skeptical person and maybe I am also unrealistically optimistic and happy about life, but I’m human and I think we’re allowed to be a mess of contradictions.