Tag Archives: irl: happiness

Aug 8 2011

Falling out of Love

For the best part of my working life, I’ve loved my job. I’ve enjoy being with the children, I’ve enjoyed planning lessons and carrying out and I’ve enjoyed belonging to the school and its community. But I think I’m slowly falling out of love with my job. I suppose one could call it a mid-life crisis (or quarter-life crisis, depending I guess on how long I live) but I’ve a lot more doubts about being a teacher than I did before. Perhaps I was less experienced then, more naive and full of self-belief. Nowadays, I find myself wondering if I am a good enough as a teacher and now that I hold a leadership position, I’m also fretting about being a good leader. The thing is people say I’m a more than decent teacher and while I don’t believe I’m completely awful as a teacher, I’ve always taken other people’s comments with a handful of salt. I have a nagging suspicion that people say that because I’m a nice and responsible person and not because of my spectacular classroom skills. Also, teaching is tiring and I’m tired of my whole life revolving around my job. It’s a little bit ridiculous that I work in the evenings and I work on weekends and when I’m not working, I’m either thinking about work or feeling guilty that I’m not working. There are so many things I cannot do because I teach and recently, I wonder if it is worth it. It doesn’t help that the higher you get on the career ladder, the more you realise that your philosophy of education doesn’t mesh with what is really happening and the thinking behind it.

I still like teaching and I still very strongly believe that teaching is an incredibly meaningful job. I still love the English language. I guess I’m tired and a little bit disillusioned, both with myself and the job. So I’m counting down to the December holidays and hoping that the break will do me good.

Jan 1 2011

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

Well, as it turns out, 2010 has been a brilliant year and of course, this makes me happy. At least it’s ending wonderfully, so whatever difficulties I experienced earlier in the year have all been completely forgotten (mostly).

In the spirit of the new year, here are some resolutions that I may or may not keep:

  1. Be healthier – either through getting more active or eating better.
  2. Write more.
  3. Sleep more.
  4. Be more organised – my workload is only going to get heavier so I’m going to need to do things like keep a to-do list (can you believed I’ve survived all my life without one) and procrastinate less.

I think that’s about it really. Otherwise, my life is good and I’m pretty sure it’ll stay good in the years to come.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Sep 2 2010

And sometimes it’s worth it

I found this really interesting, because I’m about to step into teaching, and even after practicum, you get a glimpse that teaching life isn’t all that it’s purported to be. I mean, even when we were just in schools for the school experience, you already got the feeling that all the advertisements on the buses rang hollow. Practicum made me realise the amount of extra work a teacher could end up doing. So I’m just wondering — amidst all this, despite the fact that teaching takes a backseat, do you still enjoy it? Is it still the reason you went into it? 7 years is not a short time.

A comment I received many moons ago. I wonder how this person is doing in school now.

A student from my very first year of teaching came back to school yesterday and told me that I had made a huge difference in her life all those years ago. She asked me if I remembered how I paid attention to her in class and how I chose her to represent the class in a public speaking competition. It seemed that just by doing that, I made her feel like she was worth something. At that point in time, she was feeling bad about herself because she had just moved from N(T) stream to N(A) stream and by choosing her to enter the competition, I made her feel special.

Sometimes, you do so much for some students and they couldn’t care less. Then other times, your decisions and your actions affect them so deeply.

A lot of the time, I get the impulse to quit teaching. If it is not the insane hours during the school term, it’s the administrative work or the difficult students or simply the frustration that nothing you do works. And you start to think that maybe a job that isn’t teaching would be so much better. It doesn’t help when you see people around you getting burnt out and leaving the profession.

And then, once a year, teachers’ day comes around. For me at least, it reminds me why I’m still here – as a teacher and as a teacher in my school. It’s nice to think that you have played a part, no matter how small, in someone’s life – providing them with the  means to move on in life and the opportunity to succeed. Of course, not all my students go on to bigger and better things, but many do go on to have decent lives and when they come back to say hi, I’m happy to have seen them grow. And sometimes this overshadows all the pain and exhaustion the job brings.

That said, I wouldn’t mind being paid more.

Jul 27 2010

*Hyperventilate*

Yeah, I know I said I would keep my fangirling off my blog but it’s Comic-Con! And from all accounts, it was pretty awesome. I need to figure out a way to go there and keep my job. I mean, life is about experiences and this is really something I want to experience! This year, there was Merlin, Smallville & The Big Bang Theory. I would have loved to be at the panels. And the comics!

That said, I’m very thrilled because I managed to see the s3 Merlin trailer. It was EPIC. Ok, it probably wasn’t that epic but it certainly got me excited. I cannot wait for it to start again. Oh, and Smallville should be starting up as well and that should be fun as well, especially since it would be their last season.

May 30 2010

OOTS

I really need to get caught up on Order of the Stick. And maybe buy more merchandise.

Elan and Haley and Vaarsuvius and Roy and Belkar and Durkon and not forgetting the Monster in the Dark.

Haley is my favourite though because she’s female and she uses a bow. I love bows although frankly they suck in Dragon Age (which is another thing I need to catch up on). Bah.

May 29 2010

Happy happy days

Reasons to be happy:

  • It’s the school holidays (never mind I will be in school over the next 2 weeks – a holiday is a holiday, even when it isn’t)
  • Family holiday coming!
  • Green Day Rock Band is coming out!
  • My form class is wonderful!
  • World Cup!

Basically, life is good. The people I love are alive and kicking. I’m alive and kicking. What else can you ask for?

Oh yes. I want an ebook reader.

Apr 25 2010

Career & Ambition

Some time ago, during my work review, I told my RO & ex-principal that I was not a very ambitious person. I harbor few thoughts about becoming HOD or Master Teacher or Senior Specialist and it is unlikely that I would pursue any of these paths with much dedication or enthusiasm.

I’ve always been competitive but I’ve never been ambitious. I like to know that when I do something, I am doing it better than expected but I don’t care whether it leads to any physical rewards or promotions, something that people tell me I should care more about.

But people tell me I should care about a lot of other things – like how much my bf earns or how fast I am being promoted or how big my pay rise is. They tell me I should chase more responsibilities so that I can make a case for being promoted, that I should have never done my masters because it never resulted in a pay rise or promotion, that I need to be more visible and vocal in school so that my leaders will remember me.

And I see people around me doing all these things. I see many of my colleagues and friends chasing promotions and pay rises. They work hard, take on extra responsibilities, allow their job to become the be-all and end-all of their life. For all I know, they enjoy it.

I cannot be like them. I will not be like them.

I like my job and I do spend a disproportionate amount of time on it. Yet I will not allow it to consume me the way it does others. Maybe I will always be an ordinary teacher in an ordinary school. And there will be those around me who chide me for my lack of ambition.

But I don’t care because frankly I think my life in the slower lane is a lot better and happier than those who are speeding down the highway.

Apr 18 2010

Merlin in Singapore

It’s coming to Channel 5! :D

Except for some reason, it’s called The Adventures of Merlin. Anyway, this is just an excuse for me to put up more pretty pictures on my blog.

Merlin and Arthur on a break

And Gwen because she is just so pretty (sorry Morgana)

Oh and in case you were interested in my TV viewing habits, I’ve stopped watching Smallville again (because I’m getting really annoyed at how they treat Superman). Let’s see how long this hiatus lasts.

All pictures from the wonderful Merlin’s Keep.